I think we all come with a little bit of baggage. When we are looking to date someone, we see that baggage and determine whether we want to help that person carry around that baggage. We may only need to help them with it for a little while, because that baggage might get lighter, or completely disappear. I know I have some baggage, some might even say I have a lot of it.
I know as of now, I tend to have a slight problem with alcohol. At least some people will say that. I don’t think I have a problem with it at all. I think I have control over my alcohol use. Some people that are the closest to me will say that I can’t handle a relationship right now. Only because they think I need to focus on myself and do things for myself right now. But, I think it would do me some good to be in a relationship because I feel it would give me more drive to do better in school. Not that I’m doing poorly in school right now, but it would push me to do better. It would help to be in a relationship with someone who would push me when I feel like giving up. Someone who is emotionally stable, at least more emotionally stable than I am most days. I just know I couldn’t handle being in a relationship with someone who is really emotionally unstable.
My mother would tell me that I don’t need to be in a relationship right now. Well mom, if you’re reading this, there isn’t anyone that I know of that likes me that way that I like in the same way. I mean I got my eye on a few girls, but I haven’t told them I like them. I think it’s because I’m afraid I know what their answers would be. Usually it’s no. But you never know until you try right? Most people will tell me I have to be more confident in myself, because women like a man with confidence. I know I don’t always show that confidence, but I have it. I should probably show it, but I just have a lot of stuff on my mind.
People that knew me roughly 10 years ago, would probably say that I always had a smile on my face. Thinking about it now, they would be right. I did always have a smile on my face. But, when I was 15, I didn’t have the tough things to deal with that I’m dealing with now. 10 years ago, I was just a kid in high school dealing with bullies. I wore a smile on my face to let them know it didn’t bother me. I was genuinely happy 10 years ago, that’s why I smiled all the time. Now, not so much. I would say I’m happy 95% of the time, but I don’t always smile. I guess if I smiled more often, I might get girls to like me more.
The one thing that irritates me the most right now, is seeing some people in a relationship and the guy treats his girl so poorly. I know if I was with that particular girl, I would treat her like a queen. I would do everything in my power to make her happy, and I wouldn’t expect anything in return. I think that’s why when my friends that are girls ask me to do something, I drop everything and do whatever it is that they need. I don’t ask for anything in return. Some people would tell me that they are walking all over me. I tell those people that I’m helping out a friend. Then they come back with, “What do they do for you in return?” I tell them, “Nothing, because I don’t expect it.”
My mother and father raised me to do for others and expect nothing in return, in hopes they would do the same for you in a time of need. Well, I’ve never needed anything from anybody. At least, I haven’t needed anything lately. In the past when I asked people that I have helped, to help me out, they say that they can’t, and I respect that because I don’t ask them why they can’t help me out, I just don’t want to make them feel embarrassed. Regardless, I do stuff for people and expect no help in return, because that’s the kind of person I am. I like helping people when I can.
I’ve had a lot of my friends that are girls tell me, “Evan, it’s amazing you don’t have a girlfriend. Because you would be the best boyfriend ever.” I just laugh and tell them, “Sadly, it’s because I’m not as good looking as David Beckham.” They laugh, I laugh…I go back to my room and cry. (Little bit of humor). I know I’m not the best looking guy in the world, I know I’m quite handsome, but it just seems like I’m never good enough for a girl to want to date me. My friends tell me I have an almost perfect personality, any girl would be lucky to be with me, and that I deserve to be in a relationship. I tell them, “I don’t deserve anything.” They tell me, “Yes you do. You deserve to be happy.” Well, here’s where I’m conflicted. Do I need my happiness to come from being in a relationship? I’ve had people tell me, “Evan, you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy being in a relationship with someone.” Well, I worked on that, now I can honestly say I’m happy with myself.
I know this all may sound like I’m whining, which is probably true. I think it’s finally my turn to be in a relationship. I have waited 6 long years. I endured a lot of heart breaks from girls who told me that they wanted to date me, but turned around and dated somebody better. I would like to marry by best girl friend, like Thomas Rhett did, they seem like the happiest couple I have ever seen. I’m actually going to add some lyrics from his song Die a Happy Man at the end of this post.
I know I’m still young. I have my whole life ahead of me. I just wish people would quite telling me that. I’m not looking to get married tomorrow. I’m not looking to start having kids tomorrow. Most people date a lot before they find the one that they end up marrying. I haven’t dated anyone since I was 19 years old. I’ve had my fun, I’m ready to date. I’m ready to look for my forever.
“And I know that I can’t ever tell you enough
That all I need in this life is your crazy love
If I never get to see the Northern lights
Or if I never get to see the Eiffel Tower at night
Oh if all I got is your hand in my hand
Baby I could die a happy man yeah”
–Die A Happy Man by Thomas Rhett
ebagg74 
Evan, I have really no idea where to start… but…
You’ve ticked so much in your blog..it sounds like you know a lot of answers, yet your stuck asking yourself “wtf?” Still.
Do you remember us dating in like my 7th or 8th grade year? It was warmer out, yet not summer, we met at the dug outs to hang out for a little while. You put your arm around me and leaned in to kiss either my cheek or forehead I do believe. I giggled, and I think after that we each went back home. Shortly after we broke up. I moved away, and then we found each other on social media and talked a few more times.
My point is, when I made that decision to date you, I tried to take it as serious as my age would allow me. Before we ever dated, I was curious of who you were. To me, you were the equivalent of a sexy quarterback that the cheer captain would chase. To my friends, when we would talk about boys, here they were drooling over whoever really, Lol, and then here I was doing that over you and always trying to look my best incase we crossed paths. It went on for probably a year prior to us trying to date. But, I think out of me being shy, things didn’t work out for us.
I don’t want to sit here and tell you things you already know, but, I don’t think that back then you thought we were going to date, but we did… so maybe one of these girls that you have your eye on… TRY the next step! You may be surprised! Just remember to always be that sweet, sincere, genuine boyfriend to that ONE girl.
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